There’s a stage in growth that nobody posts about.
It’s not the breakdown.
It’s not the breakthrough.
It’s the in between.
The awkward stage of becoming.
You’re not who you used to be.
But you’re not fully who you’re becoming either.
And that space can feel socially clumsy, emotionally disorienting, and spiritually stretching all at once.
We Are Always Becoming
Whether we notice it or not, we are always becoming.
We are either growing or drifting, either refining or hardening, either expanding or shrinking.
Change is not optional. It’s built into us.
The question isn’t whether we will change. It’s whether we will grow intentionally, and how we will grow.
Will we grow into a more whole, sanctified version of ourselves, softer and stronger in the right places? Or will we resist and grow in pride and selfishness?
Will we keep becoming, or will we grow stagnant and rot?
Because time will pass either way. Seasons will turn either way.
The only question is what kind of person we’ll be when we come out the other side.
And intentional growth almost always feels awkward before it feels powerful.
When the Old You Doesn’t Fit Anymore
The old responses don’t feel right anymore.
You don’t overexplain the way you used to.
You don’t rush to smooth things over.
You don’t panic at every shift in tone.
But you also don’t feel fully confident yet.
You’re catching yourself mid sentence.
You’re pausing longer before answering.
You’re choosing silence where you once filled the air.
And sometimes that silence feels exposed.
Growth doesn’t always look strong. Sometimes it looks unsure.
The Social Awkwardness of Change
When you change internally, your interactions shift too.
Some people lean in.
Some seem confused.
Some test you, almost subconsciously, to see if the old version is still available.
You might feel:
- Slightly out of place in conversations
- Less reactive, but more observant
- Quieter in rooms you once managed
- Less interested in proving anything
It’s not that you don’t care. It’s that you’re recalibrating.
And recalibration is rarely smooth.
Also, while you’re learning and changing, you may revert into old harmful patterns for moments. You’re still unlearning some behaviors and learning others, and it can feel less graceful than you’d hope. That doesn’t mean you’re fake or failing. It means you’re human, and you’re still in process.
Confidence Under Construction
There’s a version of growth that looks polished. Clear boundaries. Calm tone. Steady presence.
But before that comes something else.
The practice stage.
Where you say no, but your heart still races.
Where you speak truth, but replay it later.
Where you choose differently, but second guess quietly.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re building new muscle.
Identity in Transition
One of the strangest parts of becoming is identity shift.
If you’re no longer:
- The fixer
- The peacekeeper
- The strong one
- The emotional manager
- The overachiever
Who are you?
There can be a subtle grief in not recognizing yourself.
I don’t fully recognize myself lately, and I mean that in the best way. But I also had to grieve the version of me that was overly accommodating and that everyone seemed to like. That version got a lot of approval. She kept things smooth. She made people comfortable.
But it wasn’t all wonderful. A lot of that approval came at my expense. She didn’t always feel safe. She didn’t always feel honest. She didn’t always feel free. And I had to admit that being liked isn’t the same thing as being healthy.
I’m calmer now.
Less frantic.
Less desperate to be understood.
More anchored.
And sometimes I pause and think, the little girl version of me would be proud.
Not because I became louder, but because I’m finally sticking up for myself and looking out for me in ways I never dreamed I would. I’m doing for her what she couldn’t do back then. I’m protecting her. I’m honoring her.
I like the newer version of me, even though she’s still clumsy, still learning, still fumbling. She’s safer. She protects. She’s honest. She’s stronger. She’s softer.
Little girl me would be safer with the version I’m becoming, and I’m proud of that. And the truth is, others will be safer emotionally too. When someone is more honest, more grounded, and less afraid, relationships get healthier.
This is all for a purpose. I’m more confident in myself, and I’m becoming a better advocate for myself and for others.
When Peace Feels Unfamiliar
If you’ve lived in intensity for a long time, calm can feel strange.
You might miss the adrenaline without meaning to.
You might feel boring.
You might wonder if something is wrong because things aren’t chaotic.
Nothing is wrong.
Your nervous system is learning steady.
And steady doesn’t announce itself loudly.
The Gift Inside the Awkward Stage
The awkward stage is sacred ground.
It’s where you:
- Practice new responses
- Detach from old roles
- Build internal stability
- Learn to tolerate misunderstanding
It’s not glamorous.
It’s not dramatic.
But it is growth.
And growth means we don’t stay the same.
We are always becoming.
The awkwardness isn’t a sign that something is wrong.
It’s evidence that something is changing.
If You Feel Strange Lately
If you feel a little socially off.
If you feel like you don’t quite fit where you once did.
If you feel like you’re shedding skin but not fully formed yet.
You’re not regressing.
You’re becoming.
Construction zones are rarely beautiful while the work is happening.
But one day you’ll look around and realize you don’t recognize yourself anymore.
And this time, that will be a good thing.
Related Articles:
How Grief is Actually Going
When Freedom Feels Foreign
What a Toxic System Does When You Stop Participating
Healing and Living
The Dance That is Healing
How My View of God Shifted