To everyone who has stepped into my life this year—
those who have truly loved me,
and those who absolutely have not—
This is a thank you letter.
Some of this gratitude is soft and obvious.
Some of it is sharp and hard-won.
But all of it is honest.
To the Ones Who Have Loved Me Well
First, to the people who have shown me what unconditional love actually looks like:
Thank you.
Thank you to the ones who:
- Encourage and celebrate my growth
- Cheer for my healing instead of resenting it
- Promote my self-respect, boundaries, and self-care—not in a selfish way, but in a healthy, God-honoring way
You have:
- Reminded me that my feelings matter
- Affirmed that my boundaries are not rebellion, but recovery
- Called out the progress I’ve made when I am too tired or discouraged to see it
To the safe havens—the people who offered their homes, their ears, their couches, their time:
- Thank you for opening your door when I didn’t know where to go
- Thank you for letting me cry, vent, process, and sit in silence
- Thank you for protecting me, loving me, and keeping me safe
You have been a refuge in the storm. You’ve lived out what it means to be family beyond DNA.
To my recovery group and my church:
Thank you for the ways you have supported me so far, for the ways you’ve welcomed me, listened to me, and made space for my healing journey without trying to own it.
To my fiancé:
Thank you for sticking by me.
For loving me better than I thought I deserved.
For being ready to protect me when others attack.
For standing beside me in the mess, not just in the highlights.
To those who have been patient with me as I learn and grow:
Thank you for not demanding perfection from someone who is clearly mid-process.
Your patience makes more difference than you know.
To the Ones Who Started, Spread, or Fed the Rumors
To the people who started, spread, or took part in the disgusting rumors that circled this year—
Thank you.
You have been gracious enough to show me your true colors.
Thank you for the rumors about me:
- That I’m unstable
- That my past struggles—like eating disorders or school mishaps I had already grown from—prove I can’t be trusted now
- That I stole drugs from a woman I cared for
- That I seduce older men
- That I am unsafe to be alone with men, including my own grandfather
- That I am secretly living with my fiancé
- That I accused my dad of things I did not accuse him of
- That I will accuse any man who disagrees with my relationship of sexual assault
- That I was fired for “spiraling out of control”
- That me and my fiancé shared notes that were sexually explicit
Thank you for the rumors, lies, and exaggerations about my fiancé and the nature of our love—twisting something tender, costly, and God-sought into something “sick” and shameful.
Your words have hurt. I won’t pretend they haven’t.
But they have also:
- Clarified who is willing to believe the worst
- Exposed who is more interested in a dramatic story than in truth
- Revealed who cares more about image than integrity
For that clarity—I am strangely, deeply grateful.
To the Ones Who Believed the Rumors Without Ever Asking Me
To those who heard the whispers and never once came to me:
Thank you.
Thank you to the ones who:
- Automatically believed the rumors
- Distanced themselves without a conversation
- Decided who I am without hearing my side
- Shifted from warmth to coldness without a single honest question
You have helped solidify something important:
Who I can count on,
and who was only ever comfortable with a quieter, smaller version of me.
You showed me whose “love” depended on me being agreeable, compliant, and unproblematic.
And you showed me who disappears as soon as things get complicated.
Your silence and your distance have been loud.
And now I know not to lean on you when the weight gets heavy.
To the Ones Who Overlooked Abuse and Pushed Me Back Into Harm
To the people who not only overlooked abuse and harm, but encouraged me back into it—
Thank you.
To those who:
- Brushed off patterns of control and manipulation
- Urged me to go back into situations that were clearly unsafe for me
- Pushed my boundaries
- Talked over me and down to me
- Treated me like a confused child instead of an adult woman
Thank you.
Because of you, I am learning:
- To stick up for myself
- To use my voice instead of handing it over
- To advocate for my own safety when no one else will
You’ve taught me that “reconciliation” is not the same as “going back where I was breaking.”
You’ve taught me that my discernment is not a sin to repent of—it’s a gift I’m finally learning to honor.
To the Ones Who Used Scripture, Condemnation, and Spiritual Jargon as Weapons
To those who sent me Bible verses like bullets and used spiritual language like a leash—
Thank you.
Thank you for:
- The verses used to pressure, manipulate, and condemnation
- The spiritual clichés used to shame my choices and silence my voice
- The times you implied or stated that I was “out of God’s will,” “deceived,” “in sin,” or spiritually broken simply because I didn’t obey your script
- The moral and spiritual condemnation spoken over me and my relationship, as if you had the final word on my standing with God
Every time God’s name was used as a weapon against me, it drove me deeper into my own quiet time with Him.
I’ve learned:
- To seek God’s heart above all the noise
- To hear His voice over the chorus of accusation and judgment
- To separate the true character of Jesus from the distorted version presented by people trying to control me
Because of you, I know more about:
- Spiritual abuse
- Misused scripture
- The difference between conviction from the Holy Spirit and condemnation from other people
Your attempts to spiritually condemn me have only made me more hungry for the real heart of God.
I now see myself—and others—much more clearly.
To the Ones Who Used Ugly Labels for Me and the Man I Love
To the ones who sent long, condemning texts and messages, who said harmful, defaming things about me, about my fiancé, and about anyone who publicly supports us—
Thank you.
I have read the words you’ve chosen:
About me:
Child-bride, naïve, too sheltered, manipulated, distant, controlled, unstable, vulnerable, selfish, a liar, a wench, incapable, unhealthy, blinded, unable to maintain purity, spiritually immature, unable to discern God’s will…
About the man I love:
Predator, Satan, manipulative, walking red flag, groomer, selfish creep…
These are not small words. They are violent words.
And yet, they have done something you probably did not intend:
- They have taught me to stand up faster.
- They have taught me to protect myself and others more firmly.
- They have shown me, crystal clear, that my adulthood and autonomy were never going to be respected in certain circles.
Your words reveal much more about your hearts than about mine.
And the way some of you reacted and spiraled when I took space and stayed silent only confirmed what I already knew:
You weren’t looking for relationship.
You were looking for control and access.
Thank you for making that visible.
To the Anonymous Caller and the Monitors of My Healing
To the anonymous caller who reached out to my recovery place to “check” what I’m being taught—
Thank you.
You crossed a line, yes.
But in doing so, you highlighted just how far some people are willing to go to monitor and control my healing.
To those who insist I must heal and handle everything their way, and tell me I’m wrong for doing anything different—
Thank you.
You have shown me how badly some people need me to stay in a role I’ve outgrown.
And you’ve pushed me toward a deeper conviction that my healing must be led by God, not by other people’s comfort.
What All of This Has Taught Me About Me
Through all of this—
the love and the lies,
the support and the slander,
the patience and the pressure—
I have learned more about myself than I ever expected.
I see myself now as:
- Someone who deserves to be treated well
- Someone deserving of real, steady love
- Someone who deserves to be stood up for—not just by others, but by herself
- Someone who both deserves and needs to protect her own heart and safety
I’ve grown so much this year in ways I never imagined.
I’ve learned:
- That how people act, what they say, and how they “love” says everything about them and not about my worth
- That I can walk away when I need to
- That I’m allowed to stop abandoning myself just to keep the peace
I appreciate those who have built me up.
I appreciate, in a strange and painful way, those who tore me down and tried to make me feel small.
Because in both cases, I learned more about my limits, my value, and my God.
To the Ones Who Stayed and the Ones Who Sat With Me in Silence
To those who believed me:
Thank you for sticking by me no matter what.
To those who sat with me in the silence:
Thank you for not needing all the details to decide if I was worth loving.
To those who check on me, send a quick “How are you?,” and make space for my very real process:
Thank you. You make the journey lighter.
A Final Thank You
So to all of you:
- The ones who loved me
- The ones who left me
- The ones who lied about me
- The ones who defended me
- The ones who weaponized scripture and condemnation
- The ones who offered shelter
Thank you.
I appreciate the new opportunities to serve in new places, with new people who see me and value me.
I appreciate the ones who walked beside me,
and, strangely enough, the ones who tried to knock me down.
Because of all of it, I’m closer to God, clearer about my worth, and more committed than ever to living in truth.
I am still learning.
I am still healing.
But I am no longer abandoning myself.
And for every lesson—soft and brutal—I am, truly, grateful.